Looking back, this semester has been quite manageable. It got hectic at times, especially with the rather demanding NM4228, but it was the right amount of challenge to keep me motivated.
Hmm, maybe I should post a module review soon.
The best part of the semester was meeting new people who made school life much more enjoyable. I usually take classes on my own, and I didn't expect to make new friends in the later part of my NUS life, BUT I DID (▰˘v˘▰)
The CNM life is filled with projects. I had 4 modules but 5 project groups, go figure.
Most of my experiences were smooth, although sometimes certain people annoy the living crap out of me. But every now and then, I am lucky enough to meet people who weren't just godsent group mates but people who turn into amazing friends.
Went through so many meetings and so much shit (rumour activity, mock press conference and CCP) with this group. Spent several weekends sitting on the uncomfortable benches outside Guardian for hours on end. Had several sleepless nights rushing work or fending off fake rumours on our Facebook page lulz. I had such high expectations and I think I really tried pushing everyone to squeeze out their max efforts. Must have been really annoying for them. I don't even know what to expect for our work, but I really hope we do well. This photo was taken after our mock press conference, so our brains were pretty much gone.
And now, I am left with NM2209 finals.
I am feeling so unmotivated and uninspired. I always chiong through the semester to churn our assignments and projects, then lose steam when it's time to study for finals.
Miraculously woke up at 6am today and thought I would have a productive day ahead, but I ended up sleeping it away. Urgh. So annoyed with myself for throwing my day away. D I S A P P O I N T E D.
I am being such a whiny bitch today but at the same time, I am afraid of being too annoying and chasing people away. So I whine for a bit then get all insecure about being annoying. What the fak eve, get your shit together.
So instead of whining to people and scaring them away, I am rambling here instead. Sigh.
I realised that when I'm in such a mood, the most reassuring thing to hear is not "jiayou you can do it" (although I appreciate that a lot). To be honest, at the back of my mind, I am aware that I can do it if I put my mind to it. I am just not motivated enough to do so. Maybe the content is not inspiring enough for me to start studying, maybe I put too much pressure on myself to get things done well such that the inertia becomes too strong.
In such situations, the most reassuring thing to hear is "it's ok, whine all you want, I don't think it's annoying, I'm here to listen." Of course, assuming that the person genuinely means it.
I am not insecure about my abilities because I know I am not incapable, just lazy. But I am insecure about being too annoying for others to handle. I mean, why would anybody want to hear me whine? Nobody brought it upon him/herself to be on the receiving end of such negativity.
At the same time, I hate bottling up my feelings. Good mood bad mood, I don't like keeping it in. So... here I am, whining on my blog.
Okay, I just drank coffee and it's 2am so I guess it's time to start studying.